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When I was first diagnosed in my teens I really didn’t know how I was going to deal with a lifelong chronic condition!
I have been through all the ups and downs of the condition and have pulled through. Thinking about the really dark days I actually don’t know I pulled myself through it all, the journey has been incredibly testing.
I reached rock bottom in 2010, a year I remember so clearly. I was going through such a severe flare up and couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. I was in such horrible place; all I could think of was I don’t want to be alive. I just couldn’t cope. It wasn’t just my skin, but it was a contributing factor. I felt sick from the inside, no one really understood what I was going through.
I had exhausted all the treatment options that were available to me at the time and felt like I would need a miracle to get through this!
27 years after being diagnosed I finally reached my dream of clear skin!! I have been in remission for a year now and have only just recently seen a few tiny patches appear. I would say I’m about 99% clear at the moment which to me is amazing!
As I mentioned before I have been through many treatments and also tried alternative approaches but with no joy, until I finally found one that did work for me. I don’t want to use this blog to talk about treatments, after all everyone is different. Instead I want to share the change clear skin has had on me as a person.
So where do I even start, I’m just so happy and excited that after all these years of persistence and never giving up hope of having clear skin that I finally got there! My emotions have been all over the place, I feel so relieved that I can carry on with my life with my skin not being the main focus. I can plan things last minute, not have to get up so early in the mornings to do my daily rituals to prep my skin for the day. Mentally I feel so free from all the stress and feel I can concentrate on other things. It’s a breath of fresh air not to have the discomfort of my flare ups!
I have a bounce in my step and I’m loving it, I feel and look happy (so I’ve been told !).
To celebrate this, I went and updated my wardrobe, safe to say the husband need not see the credit card bill!! Although I have been fairly confident in my skin, I now feel that I can try other styles, fabrics and shop without my usual concerns. No more “will this fabric irritate my skin” etc.
Not only have I revamped my wardrobe, but I have been trying different shower gels, shampoos and creams. These things sound so small but to me it was a “wow” moment!! I am trying new things but also not going too crazy and in some cases still playing it safe just in case !
Now onto having a clear scalp....oh gosh where do I even begin ! So I’m loving the fact I don’t have to wash my hair every day, the time I save is unreal I actually have breakfast at home instead of when I get to work! People will never understand even the smallest of things can be so huge to a psoriasis warrior. Having a clear scalp also meant a new hairdo…I’ll let the photos do the talking!
Since the clear spell I have also been on holiday, I jumped into a pool and no one stared at me or asked me what was wrong with my skin. I actually found this so weird, I kept thinking "what’s going on??". It's hard to put into words but I actually felt like a big part of me was missing....I still have days when I look at my legs or arms and feel they are not mine.
In fact, there have been a few projects that have come up that I wanted to get involved in but for the first time I actually couldn’t as my skin was too clear! Crazy I know! It took me a while to get my head around that one.
I feel like a new person and I am in a really great place after so many years of being in the dark. I know my skin won’t stay clear forever but I am more hopeful than ever and will cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I’m going to enjoy my happy place!
The moral of my story....if you’re not in a good place don’t give up! Keep persevering and keep the hope that one day you will also find a treatment plan that works for you.
UK/IE MAT-18072 . Date of Prep: June 2018.